what a delicious red velvet cake and i cannot guess what is the secret ingredients :(

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yes i private my blog so you dont know that i still have feeling towards you. my brother hakeem are home and he's body kinda tough. and i am thinking, why this man have a good looking and so many girls admire him including girls he knows from kl. but he still with his girlfriend from putrajaya. she is free hair but not so pretty. dark skin colour. but you, i dont know what to say. my little brother already know about you and me and he asked what happened. i am too ashamed to tell what you did to me. too ashamed ali :'(

why i still love you babi

i tell you, i tell everyone that i really hate you and want to forget about you. but the fact is i still love you. GREAT. I love a man who not really a man. you are so fucked up.

i hate when i think about you. i want you to be with me but i hate you and i love you. u just dont deserve this love. WHY DO I STILL LOVE YOU AFTER WHAT HAD HAPPENED! I hate my feeling and its distracting me everyday. the more i love, the more i hurt. please makes me feel nothing towards you. please God!

this jealousy, never can get away from me! urghhhhh hate it.

Day 4 MODERN MATH, 17/11/11

today was mod math examination. paper 1 dah 3 careless! ergh. paper 2 i am very confidence sbb blh jwb semua hehe. nak dpt A+ please please pleaseeeee

okay i think i lied to myself

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up there ^^^^ 'anyone else but you' 'i love you more than everything' ? lol i feel like an idiot. after spm tukar! i dont have much time but this is bothering me.

i hope i missed the first time we met.

last night,
asal mimpi kau laaaa, hesh.

Day 3 SEJARAH, 16/11/11

ALHAMDULILLAH SEJARAH WAS SOOOOOOOOOOO EASY! easy sure can get A+ right? haha i dont know sbb i always failed for my sejarah but lets just hope & pray for it :)

Day 2, 15/11/11 BI

my english is okay but i am not satisfied because i dont use my english knowledge well. boring words and boring idioms. 'practise makes perfect' this idiom letak dalam dua2 essay paper 1. see how boring i am kan haha and 'results with flying colours'. biasa sangat dengar.
i dont have much time to study literature sbb night before bi tidur -.- penat sbb balik lambat. overall, i hope i get good results. A- pun jadilahh

valueable

'if' and only 'if' you kept the original you. original you which i falling to. love is just a relation for you but u dont even understand what love is. you understood it before but, only Before.

>hoi apesal tacing pulak tiba tiba ni haha
>not touching, cuma sayang sgt bila orang dah bagi benda berhargakan, then orang tak anggap benda tu berharga.
>so find people who find it berharga la
>okay, kalau ada.

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banyaklah plan kau haha

banyaknya plan after spm! and ada masa a month only 0.0
plan nk kerja. plan nak ambil P. plan nak buat bbq. plan nk pergi rock the world senyap senyap. plan nak pergi ipoh nak 'kasi' both of my female cats. 'kalaulah' plkn dpt lmbt like bulan 2, everything is so perfect!

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oh please please please jangan mengantuk! bagi puas baca bi dulu pleaseeeeee!

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day 1 BM, 14/11/11

i am satisfied with my bm papers because i done it well. mungkin berkat orang yang mendoakan the best for me. im not menggelabah semua especially for paper 1. dapat paper je terus start perenggan first :) Alhamdulillah.
tapi ni baru paper bm which boleh dikatakan senang of all subjects. i have english tomorow. Ya Allah, permudahkanlah yang susah. amin.

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hikhikhikhikhik amboi gediknya sarah. i dont know why i have a strong feeling padahal baru berapa kerat je text :]
until now i feel sooo shy when his sister say that to me. okay dah stop berangan eeee tak malu ke haha dahla post dkt blog :3

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cant waittttt!

cant wait for senior night! cant wait for shopping with friends maybe alia. cant wait for going out with someone. cant wait for plkn. cant wait for bbq celebration spm is over in my house. cant wait for new boyfriend from plkn or college hikhik (kalau ada yg hensem and baiklah) :) okay nak study byeee :*

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i ate a lot lately thats why i slept every evening haha. perut besar berat naik. terbaik! mana tak nya, mknn sedap hehe

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saya nak ada hati bersih suci dan murni :)

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i do unexpected thing when u do suprises.

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if im not ready with unexpected thing, i will be nervous and my heart beat rises. and nnt cakap pun lidah terbelit belit smpai org tak faham hahaha

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creepy guy followed me today -.-

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Astaghfirullah hal azimm apa aku marah marah ni. buat apa aku kesah dgn orang yg tak lg bermakna ni. biarlah orang yang tak sedar keuntungan tu.

somehow my dad makes me happy hihi i love youuu :) okay dah nak belajar, tolong jangan ganggu mood saya mlm ni ya :D

You are the great bunch of losers.

this one girl just makes me feel too awesome & why do i need u. you have nothing and im not going to loose anything because you are nothing. sorry to say, you are bunch of losers yang perasan teramatlah perasan -.-

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"I've been looking for a man and not a man like you." - Groucho Marx

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Sometimes i hate this blog but sometimes i cant wait to right in this blog.

Okay dah sarah stop playing your phone. Dah 2 jam lebih kau pegang paper bi dr terengganu tp objective baru sampai number 7 ?

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Im not sure with you because u seems like u dont really care or you really dont care much. Because yea u suka ikut mood u nak kesah ke tak. Baru last two nights we had a great chat and after that u makes me think about you all day tp takdalah smpai tak belajar. & now you are like, 'okay whatever, that is what u feel not me' :/

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My sister just bought samsung galaxy S2. Celaka batul lawa gila phone dia #_#

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shepherd's pie

i tell you this is so marvelous! Beef with tomatoes, mashrooms, black paper, vegetables and mash potatoes on top:-)
sorry gambar kecil i forgot to set the size

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You ni macam macam lah perangai -.-

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I have a stable life right now. Alhamdulillah :)

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You are the best for me and i am the best for you thats why its hard for us to stay dispart

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How did you do it? how did you makes me laugh makes me smile and me makes me think of you after what had happened. I nak lari dari u pun tak boleh haha. u have somthing special .

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im a time-table type girl :D

The first one is time table for my studies sekali dgn countdown. See lagi 13hari lagi.
Second one is time table for my daily pray. I think this way will train me to not missed my pray even once. May Allah bless me :)

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This blog needs make over. I mean huge make over 0.0
Tp takda masa :/

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If you ever ask why, i have 500 words to tell so dont you dare ask why.

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Mira Syakina Syadli

Hai mira, i miss you sooooo much ! like seriously hehe
tomorrow when i see you in school i will give you my prettiest smile heeeeee

A day with qualities

I went to a great seminar with alia today. Got a lot analysis questions which maybe will be in spm this year. And i am hell tired right now. Bayangkan lah bljr 9 jam for 5 subjects today. Kan dah boleh bunuh diri tu haha. i met playboy which deserve my feet and i met old friend and we talk a lot in the seminar :) Oh theres some weird girl who stares at me since yesterday, then today i looked at her back and i smile haha. Okay im having a migrane & i want to sleep. Goodnight!

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I think you try to impress me. Well i tell you, i impressed:) sekolah tentera badan tough muka not bad haha okay perasan

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dear goodbye

This is last from me. I dont care if you want to read or not but i just want to tell you that games over. We are not serious in anything and we both not sure what are we actually. Yes mungkin u anggap i ni kwn. Tp i tahu u masih ada perasaan dkt i walaupun sedikit. You nk kita jd kwn tp u sendiri kdg2 terlayan lebih dkt i and that shows what actually you hiding. You bukan tipu i je tp u pun tipu diri u. Now i taknak i jd org yg u menyampah and u rimas dgn i. Mana2 je i ada and semua detail psl u i nk tahu. U mesti rimaskan prmpuan ni and u want new girl, new people and new life. I tell u, lama2 org yg baru dlm hidup u ni akn jd sama dgn org keliling u now. The way they treated u. The way they labelled u. Now u can go as far as u can. No one going to stop u because i dont want to stop u. i want to earase you as you wish right? Kalau ini firasat u apa nk buat, then its fine just follow your heart. sorry i cant be your friend, im not created to be one. You want me to get a better life because u think that u are not good enough. Well, i love ali. Not because what u have or what your attitude like. I fall in love with your heart. And i forever hope that you will be my prince on senior night or on my wedding. You are like the best thing ever happened in my life. But you ruined it. I dont know what will happen if you are infront of me. I might be smile at you but if im strong, i wont look at you. You want me to do a favour for you right? You want me to leave you right? Well you have to do a favour for me to. Next time dont come back please? I dont want to be left by you anymore. I dont want to make wrong decisions anymore. Be with you is so wrong because we dont deserve together. I hope i wont fall in you again. I really hope that. Thank you for giving me so much thing. Thank you, you teach me a lessons for life.

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Dear Allah

When you ask yourself to be strong to faces thing u dont want to happens or things u dont expect to happen, you will be weak again because its hurt too much. But cries can makes you to be strong again.
Dear Allah, may this strong will last forever.

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Rainy everyday.

Again, today is raining.
Everyday i look at the window and think what are you doing right now? Are u sleeping? Are u studying? Are u spent almost half of an hour in the bathroom(haha)? Or are you thinking about me like i did now?
I miss talking to you and hanging around with you. but we both have big responsibility to focus on. I wish u good luck :)

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Visison

For the next 10 years when you are searching for me, im a perfect woman for you. & You are the most gentle man i have even meet.

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i want smile and tears from both of my parents

I want mama & abah smile at the day spm's result release. I want people smile and proud with me. I want good reasult. I want it so badly!

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U said call you when you need me. Yes i called you. I call you when i feel alone and no one to talk and boring. But im not call you when i misses you, not when i need passion love, not when i need a hug and cry hardly on your arms.
Because i know its not worth it that it wont change anything. & because you dont care anymore

On the other world, i want a guy who loves me more than i love him. Because love will just dragging me into hell. Like before.

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I miss you so much.

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My Mood is Ambitious : Having or showing a strong desire and aim to succeed

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Don't trust too much, don't love too much, don't care too much because that 'too much' will hurt you so much

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I may look happy, but you have no idea what’s happening inside me.

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When i think about us, i will just take a deeeeep breath.

I know we are doing this for our good since we both totally drag into our own love world. And that is not good for you and me.
But, how do u expect me to face or to go through thing like this? That thing is your idea and u know i cant do this. I just couldn't. So u force me by u start it first & u put rules. Having u whenever i need help or not having u whatever happens to me. Its mean friend or nothing. At first i say i want to earase you and go far from this life because i hurt so much.
After a while, i agreed to be your friend because myself cant stand living without you. I say better have a little than nothing. But the way u treat me when i agreed to be your friend are always change. Sometimes u dont really care u text me because i want to study but when u are infront of me, u give great smile. I smile too. Then i get confuse what is that smile for? Is it from friend or lover
And this makes me harder to just be your friend.
I control myself not to texting u too much, i control chating u like we are just a friend, i control like i am not touched the way u treat me.
Until when i have to be like this

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I dreamed something sucking my blood and it playing biola. Okay this is weird -.-

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U are not listening to my story hmm /:

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I have a back up. I have good friends. I love you all <3

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Hi i am spm candidate and i study hard for this last month before spm. Peace :)

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You came along like a song. To brighten my day

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I am going to show you how much i love you :)

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i only have you & i only want you
but you hurt me so much and so many times :'(

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I hate you i mad at you.
But i miss you:/

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lucky you i am stupid.

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I feel like i am the worst woman in this world. Sampaikan orang merayu suruh bagi freedom -_-
Seriously i am that bad?

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What do you feel?

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Jalan jalan pusing putrajaya and find good foods :)

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Do you really have to confess that this is true?
Because just thinking of it is hurt enough.

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I tell you what, you are not being fair. Before this we are arguing and it is all because of your over protective rules and i was not fix with your way. Arguing arguing arguing at last i loose. I do whatever u said until i didnt noticed that i do whatever u said. I thought it is like my job and i have to do this for you. But now u asked me to free yourself while i am not putting any hard rules like u did before.
U said that u want to be free like flying bird. Yes u wanted to be free while u can flirting with anyone u think she's cute infront of me and infront of everybody. Or maybe soon u hanging out with pretty girls. Flirting flirting in chats and facebook with doesnt care about what i might feel(thats why u change your password aite?). And later when you are done doing all that you come and find me again. Lucky you i am a type of a girl that very fast forget what people have done to me which is PAINFUL and easily accept who's coming esspecially you. You know i love you and will accept you again if you ever leave me. This is have been proved so many times so u dont afraid to do it again. Yes this is what i am thinking about you

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You are breaking my heart while you enjoy your life. Yes i have seen you love every minute of your life. At this time, i wanna say that i hate you. I hope i can hate you so i am not this hurt.
God please tell me when is this going to be end?

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when bitch is trying to fixed things up, nothing is going to change. You are bitch forever

yes, this is angry me

dont advise, bitch is deserve to be hated.

i know now

Before this i am asking you and sulking why are you not doing this for me? Why are you not waiting for me? Why are you talking to your friend instead of talking to me? Why are you not smiling when you see me?
Well sarah, just admit. You know why. You know he is not doing that for no reason.
I know now

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:{

I have no money. I left only rm25 in my bank account and i cannot ask from my parents. I have asked once but i end up with shut the door hardly with angry and that is soo rude. And i am stress right now because i have to buy my needs

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Personality build confidence

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Time is chasing me. Helppppppp
Masa dah pun mendahului kita, sedarlah

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Everything is settle. Me and ali doing great! :)

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tell me why

It is really not fair when we gave love too much but the other side doesn't. Why we are created to spread the love to people does not appreciate it. Why until what we have done to prove the love, they only can feel it for a while and asking for it again & again. Why they forgotten who is actually besides them. Why when we wanted to help people who other people doesn't want to give a hands, they push us back and claimed we are bad people who have negative toughts on them. Why when we are too afraid to scolded when we were angry but the other side easily scold, say what they want, say it is our fault and put all their pain on us. Us which is innocent. Us who is always be there for them. & why after what i have been through, at the end i still can tell the world that i love you & only you. Well, this is love.

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im a cat walker :3

I will take u to the park someday

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Grrrrrrr !

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thank you for meeting me :))

I am dying to meet you, you know. Thats why i cried when you were here and have a quality time with you. Thank you for meeting me :)

Just not having a long talk for 2 days eventhough we meet, i cannot breath and cant stop thinking about you and i almost cried. Imagine what would happen if we live far away and we both too busy for texting and 'gayut' because of college's life plus not meeting each other for 2 to 4 weeks, i think i need an extra oxygen tank.

Yes, i cant live without you.

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I dont know whether i am just imagined or 'it' was truely there
Scaryyy. _.

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Hair

I want have a looooooong hair like celebrity or short cute hair which just at the level to touch my shoulder?

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scatching

Suddendly, i wish i have a scatching skill because i have so many thing to picture.

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I am not doing well in my spm trial. Sorry mama abah.

For my real real spm 2011, I will fight like a loyal warrior and never release a white flag until i freedome date have announce and i win.

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I dont know what this is.
I dont know what this mean

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I dont like when you talked like peanuts. But i wont say anything to hurt you.

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Hi handsome man. Marry me :)

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I want to make chocolate pudding, cream puff, pavlova, quiche but i only can dream i bake it.
Mama dah tak bagi. Mama bagi buat fried ice cream je :(

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Okay i think i have a problem. Because of disatisfied, i always get mad of small things such as late replied or u said this girl are pretty. I easily mad. And now i am stressed out.

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Can u just take Good care of my feeling please? I have subject to be focus on.
Walau benda kecil pun tolonglah jaga. I sensitive but i malas nak bagitahu. sbb i malas nak serious sgt and i know u are not expected any of this. Please honey i need u to comfort me

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great, u makes me wait so long while you are having fun. When u were with me, i feel like in fantacy because everything was perfect. The way u looked at me the way u talk the way you hug. Perfection. But when you are not around, which i do need you, i thing u ignoring me and enjoy what infront of you. yes you enjoy whats coming but u forget people who makes you happy before and after. i am dissatiesfied

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Saya kan, sebenarnya kan, tunggu lamaaaa dah sampai bejanggut. Msg pukul 8 td and siap call lagi suruh reply. Tp a few minutes after that tak reply jugak. Nak merajuk, bukan akan dipujuk pun. Sendiri pujuk diri sendiri adalah. Hish malas nak fikir. Maybe u busy smpai tak blh msg? I hope so. Sbb takda reason lain yg boleh diterima. Bila org reply msg dia lambat, naik angin. Takpa kita sabar je
Okay goodnight

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HAI DARLING, I love you :)

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sorry i am stupid!

I have a little confident on addmath subject and makes me target higher like A-
Paper 1 which is quiet okay and relief. Based on my calculation, i have to get at least 80/100 for paper 2 to reach the target.
But everything changed since paper 2 gilababi hundreds time HARD! Screw you paper two! At the moment i answered paper 2, i was thinking who the hell makes this kind of questions???? Tell me i wanna kill themmmmm! You all ruined my life oh myyyyy
And now i worried i failed. Not worried if i cannot get A, B or C, but worried i dont even pass for addmath! HELPPPPPP

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Asal dah lembap buat addmath ni. Cis!

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Sometimes im jealous to see other people with their lovers. Almost wveryday they talk about wht their lovers did for them which is very sweet and everyone happy to hear that. But me, nothing to tell?
What they knew, mine are all about fighting or not fighting. nothing can make people impress

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babibabibabibabibabibabibabibabibabibabibabibabibabibabibabibabibabibabibabibabibabibabibabibabibabibabibabibabibabibabibabibabibabibabibabibabibabibabibabibabibabibabibabibabibabibabibabibabibabibabibabibabibabibabibabibabibabibabibabibabi sampai mulut terkoyak. I cried then i got mad. I am peanuts!

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Thank god i have cooper with me tonight to hug and keep myself calm. I have modern math paper tomorrow

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Look at monkey's face. I just cant forget what had happened. Every single thing i remember. Thats why i hate to see your face

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Hey this is my personal space okay? I dont need any comments

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This is boringgggggg. Ali takda kredit, i feel lifeless ._.

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i need to spell it out!

Too much im hiding from everyone. Help!

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Dont talk like you know everything aite? Im not the person who likes to humiliate people when u talked nonsense.

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Think first if you are perfect or good enough to say bad about the others. Im drowning

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Imma Hulk! haha

Have you seen a character turn into Hulk when they got mad?
So u better stay very far far away from me and dont let me notice if you were there

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sayang,

Terima kasih buat saya gembira :)

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cukgu kesayangan

Cikgu Azfar, i miss you very much! Kalaulah cikgu tak perlu berpindah :(

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When theres something wrong, i know why it happens.
Hahhhhhhhhhhhh

Hati tak tenteram.

you dah text i, lega sikit hati :)

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You know how it feels when we needed someone to comfort you when you have a problems?
If feels like, do i actually have a boyfriend? Because i need you right now. Text me baby

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Advice

I try to be honest with you. Actually i always be honest with you. But you choose 100% not to believe me. And plus, you treated me like i make a crime and you're a police. So ashamed, we have been in relationship for almost 3 years. Believe is much much important for me. I believe you so much ( dont ask me to prove my believeness or you'll shock) but this is how you treated me back?
*Here some advice
Msg for you, love

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incase you dont understand

If a friend have been friend to you for many years, they are just suits you no matter how they looks like or how their attitude are. They are real friends. Negatives can change. But i dont feel like to change anybody right now. Because i totally dont care. Its not because i dont care about my friends. I just dont care because in my opinion, they are not that bad in their hearts.

What? Are u asking me to leave them? No i wont. I stay not because of they are pretty, many admires. I know sometimes they makes mistake and a few apologise and a few not. For me, we dont have to make things bigger. I forgive them in my heart. Just like i forgive you even u didnt realise u makes mistake. The way they treated me all these years, i know deep in me, i know they love me. I believe myself. They are here when i needed them and i can tell examples. People are backstabbers and say bad about them are rude. They have no rights to say anything about them because they dont know my friends. they dont know the real them. The hardest thing for me is to live far from them. The hardest i tell you. They have created a life for me and makes me feel alive. I love them. Do you understand what i mean?

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Kasarnya msg awak. Takpalah, terpulang awak nak buat apa apa pun. Nak tinggalkan saya ke, nak lupakan saya ke, terpulanglah. I ni beban buat u kan?
Apapun, i tetap sayang u. Pernah ke awak ckp awak sayangkan saya walaupun hati terluka?

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listen through your heart

Love is about truth. But u dont let me to tell you one

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upset

Okay just let not to think too far.
I couldn't imagine how hard it would be.

Honey, lets run away!
*thanks for a late night chit chat <3

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I ate a lot of sweets. Soo stress
Now still eating sugus. Biar nnt kena kencing manis! Mati awal

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Im not smiling today.
I am mad to my mom
I am mad to my dad
I am mad to you
I am mad to my cat
And my cat, momo yang garang jadi mangsa lepas geram hari ini

jangan ganggu saya, i am not in the mood

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the last thing i thought

Sayang, saya nak cakap dengan awak malam ni boleh? Sebelum saya tidur?

Saya dekat luar ni, saya dekat hospital. sorry awak

*i am very disappointed :(

- 11p.m 15 August

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Bah !

Hai awak ! saya tahu awak baca blog saya, hehe

hey, i heart you! :)

nafsu makan, nafsu baking

this is lemon merigue. unlike lemon pie and pavlova on top. & pavlova is a beaten white egg plus sugar then bake.

and now, i feel like making this

Cheese souffle

AND famous amos chocolate cookies

but trial spm lagi 3 minggu. patut belajar chemistry, biologi, addmath. bukan belajar memasak -.-

mabeles

'best berbuka dengan cayang kita, mamam steamboat.... mabeles ar !'
hadoi tak tahan nak gelak. this is one of his rempit status. he is someone related to me so i felt sorry for him. sejak ada girlfriend, bahasa pun jadi mcm mulut muncung muncung bila cakap hahaha. hesh bulan puasa tak baik gelakkan orang. but when u wrote your status in english, Much better bro. please lah, haiyooo

i want grey and yellow wedding theme :) <3

have you ever seen when terquoise and grey comes together? marvelous i tell you. you will fall in love for the first time ;)

otak serabut
*i miss you sayang :/

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Sampaaaaaaaaai hati buat i mcm ni

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<3

29/7/11 barbecue at fatimah's before Ramadhan. i letak gambar ni jadi wallpaper phone hehe

I love you sayang, malam ini awak sangat comel hihi
Sorry teronline, nak cakap goodnight lagi sekali tapi takda kredit :/

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dear abah

sorry abah, its not because i dont want to hear your advices. Its just i cant accept your way or your rule. i understand you are just a father worried so much if anything might happens to your little girl. but for me, its not accepted with this kind of world around me. and please jangan sama kan zaman dulu and zaman sekarang.

This is my man

My soul belongs to you and my heart i gave it to you. Take good care of it please if not i probably be dead. I love you and you love me, keep those word baby so that we believe each other no matter what happens. I love you till the end of my life, u jump i jump. I cant imagine how my life would be if you are not around. & again, I ♥ you sayang :)

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i am too lazy to talk about my everyday lifetime. everything going fine but i dont have the spirit to study. okay this is not fine!
i posted recipes because i love eat and i will refer my blog when i want make it another time.

japanese cotton cheesecake

i'd try this recipe and its perfect !

Ingredients:
140gm icing sugar
6 egg whites
6 egg yolks
1/4 tsp cream of tartar
50gm butter
250gm cream cheese
100mlfresh milk
1 tbsp lemon juice ( I also add in 1/2 lemon rind )
60gm cake flour ( I used self raising flour )
20gm cornflour
1/4 tsp. salt

Method :
1. Melt cream cheese, butter and milk over a double boiler. Cool the mixture. Fold in the flour, cornflour, egg yolks, lemon juice, lemon rind, salt and mix well.
2. Whisk egg whites with cream of tartar until foamy. Add in the sugar and whisk until soft peaks form.
3. Add the cream cheese mixture to the egg white mixture and mix well. Pour into a 9-inch round springform pan (Lightly grease and line the bottom and sides of the pan with greaseproof baking paper or parchment paper).
4. Bake cheesecake in a water bath for 1 hours 10 minutes or until set and golden brown at 140 DC.

Dunia memang tak adil kan?

Bukan salah kita, kita yang kena. Lepastu tak tahu salah apa pulak tu.
Bila kita simpati dekat orang yang tak sepatut menerimanya, akhir-akhir kita yang rugi sebab menaruh harapan.
Bila kita berserah dan mengalah walaupun kita yang dipijak, kita juga yang kena pijak lagi. Lagi dan lagi.
Bila kita risau dan beremosi jika kita membuat salah walaupun kita sendiri tidak perasan, tengok tengok kita yang kena tikam dari belakang.

Fikir fikirkanlah

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It gives really big impact to almost all my examination papers.
I feel like wanna cryyyy :(
*saya nak tidur. Pergi dunia yang tidak realiti tetapi indah dan lari dr dunia yang awak tidak layan saya hari ini.

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Kau buat aku gembira, bangga. Tapi perkara itu bukan kau buat untuk aku. Cuma aku gembira untuk kau. Aku cuba menyapa kau, sebab aku gembira sangat sampai aku tak tahan nak cakap dengan kau yang kau sangat hebat. Tapi aku rasa seperti aku ni makhluk halus yang tidak boleh dilihat oleh manusia terutama kau. Aku kesal menyapa kau.
Hari hari aku tahan. Tahan diri aku supaya tidak toleh muka aku ke kelas kau. Aku takut aku nampak perkara yang boleh menghentikan degupan jantung aku. Pernah sekali aku toleh & aku nampak perkara sumbang. Ketika itu aku rasa sesak nafas. Detik degupan jantung aku terhenti seketika.

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Tak sangka kali ni memang u buat apa yang u cakap dkt i. Memang betul betul terjadi. Msg u yang panjang dan betul2 menyentuh perasaan i dan ayat terakhir u, 'ini last dari i, take care'. Kali ni memang betul betul u maksudkan itu yang kali terakhir. Sudah sebulan ya. Sebulan.

Akhir-akhir ni, aku rasa aku lain sangat. Aku hipokrit. Aku bertopengkan senyum dan gelak tawa dengan teman-teman aku depan kau seperti aku tiada masalah tanpa kau. Bila bertembung dengan kau, aku berpura seperti tidak nampak kau & kau juga buat perkara yang sama dengan aku, aku tahu. Aku tidak tahu sampai bila aku bertopeng. Aku makin lemas dengan topeng aku. Aku hampir tumpas.

Saya perlu awak. Awak tak faham ke saya perlu awak? :'(

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terima kasih penjaga mimpi

Aku rasa aku ada kelebihan. Maksud aku, aku ada kuasa sakti. Kuasa untuk menetapkan mimpi apa aku malam ini.

Wahai bintang-bintang, langit-langit, bulan. Sesungguhnya ini tugas kau berjaga malam, aku minta, aku mimpikan wajahnya senyum kepada aku. Senyuman manis kegemaran aku.

Terima kasih bintang-bintang, langit-langit, bulan kerana esok pasti aku ceria dan bersemangat :)

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dasyat sungguh mimpi aku malam tadi.

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<3

naaah gambar teater :)

gambar kau, wallpaper

Eeeeeee comelnya kau ni! Comel tahap gaban ! Comel kau ni, buat aku riang sgt hari ini. Aku letak gambar kau jadi wallpaper. Haha aku lihat gambar kau, aku berangan. Aku lihat gambar kau, aku berangan lagi. Suka sangat tengok gambar kau yang comel ni :)

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Kosong fikiran aku. Aku tidak tahu hendak tulis apa. Tapi aku perlu tulis. Kalau tidak, susah aku nak tidur malam ini. Seperti malam malam sebelum ini, aku membuat pengakuan. Pengakuan yang ikhlas. Tapi malam ni aku tidak mahu mengaku apa apa kerana aku ragu dengan perasaan kau. Aku tidak yakin lagi. Ah, berfikir kolotlah aku ni. Takkan disebabkan kata kata dia yang tak seberapa itu melemahkan semangat kau? Kau paling kenal dia kan?
Selamat malam, pagi.

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Aku cuba lelapkan mata aku.
Aku lihat kau dengan mata terpejam. Aku nampak waktu kita pernah bersama. Semuanya menjadi kenangan. Kenangan yang aku rakam. Senyuman kau, kata-kata kau, detik-detik kau bersama aku, semua dalam ingatan aku. Aku tidak pernah terlepas dari memikirkan kau setiap hari. Tidak pernah.

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ohoi sarah yang malas

Apa kau buat satu hari sarah? Kerja tidur tidur tidur. Kalau tak, baring. Kalau tak, tengok tv. Kalau tak, pergi makan. Dah macam orang tak guna aku tengok. Bilik kau tu ha, tak pernah kemas. Dah macam apa aku tengok. Mengalahkan tongkang pecah. Kau bangun sekarang. Paling tidak pun pergi kemas beg and siapkan baju untuk pakai esok. Pergi!

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berdosakah?

Aku tahu tipis peluang untuk kau hidup. Kaki kau sudah banyak hilang darah. Aku tidak tahu apa menimpa kau. Maafkan aku anak kucing.
Kalaulah abah sanggup hantar kau ke klinik haiwan secepatnya, tentu kau sedang dirawat sekarang dan aku yakin kau selamat. Tapi abah tidak mahu mengambil risiko kereta berbau darah dan kos untuk rawatan kau. Abah kata, kita biar sajalah dia disana sarah, sudah terlambat. Abah tidak berjaya mempengaruhi aku untuk menunggu saja saat saat akhir kau. Selepas beberapa minit, haris pulang, abang aku. Tak sangka dia sanggup bantu aku untuk bawa kau ke klinik. Sebaik saja sampai, kau sudah tidak bernafas. Pekerja klinik haiwan perasan wajah kecewa aku. Memang aku kecewa. Maafkan aku.

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semalam dam kelmarin

Harini saya tak pergi sekolah and kawan saya beng pun tak pergi sekolah. Sorry alia tinggal sorang2 dalam kelas hehe. Or alia pun tak datang sebab penat semalam kita pergi lawan teater dekat ampang? Saya pun tak tahu lahhh. Saya tak datang sekolah sebab demam. Tekak pun pedih. Harini ada subject chemistry and kena buat ulbs. Saya tak sedia lagi untuk pergi ke sekolah sebab semalam penat and tak sempat buat apa apa persediaan. Jadi saya menggedik lagi demam taknak pergi sekolah hehehe
Yesterday was a nice day. Yelah, satu bas kawan kita ye dak? Memang tak gegar lah bas kan hahaha. But ada dua orang form 4 yang ikut sekali sebab diaorang pelakon. Saya sekadar prop je tapi best and tak perlu lah nak menghafal skrip semua and saya pun takda bakat macam kawan saya, najwa. Perlawanan teater peringkat hulu langat antara sekolah sekolah itu diadakan di mpaj (ampang). Satu pengalaman baru sebab dapat pergi backstage and dapat taklimat cara membuat lakonan yang betul. Seluruh scene teater sekolah kami saya rakam. Saya akan post video itu secepat yang mungkin. Saya juga akan post gambar gambar semasa di mpaj.

Oh satu berita saya nak sampaikan, sejak dua minggu lalu, practise softball semakin kerap sampai sehari dua kali. Saya jadi 2nd base and 1st batter. Keputusannya, pada hari selasa iaitu perlawanan mssd peringkat hulu langat softball, sekolah kita menang tempat ke tiga bersama ! Hehe tak sangka kan? Yang kelakarnya, pemain yang sebelum ni tak dapat bat, tiba2 bat dengan baik semasa perlawanan. Saya sangat bangga sebab practise smpai terpaksa skip kelas selama ini tidak sia sia. Lagi2 kami baru mengenali softball 2bulan yg lalu. Softball bukan senang nak faham. Perlukan practise berminggu minggu untuk memahami permainan sahaja. Nak jadi pro tu entah sebulan lagi agaknya. Cikgu Awaluddin dan coach sampingan (bekas pemain form 5 last year), amal and aniq pun bangga dengan kitaorang :) nanti saya post gambar gambarnya.

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sekali lagi wey, sekali lagi.

Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr haha tak tahu nak cakap apa.
Harini, emosi aku gembira sedih semua campur aduk. Nasib baiklah ada orang layan emosi aku. Tq ali aqil, i know u care ;) sorry i gedik lebih, i rasa loser gila and i tak patutlah gedik dgn u.
Oh, emosi aku yang paling kuat ialah, aku paling menyampah tengok stranger rapat dengan kawan seangkatan aku lepastu berlagak macam dah geng. Boleh jalanlah dik oiii.
Aku rasa kau mempergunakan seorang kawan aku ni. Walaupun kawan aku ni agak gedik kalau ada perempuan layan dia, aku anggap kau mempergunakan dia. Aku dapat nilai cara kau berinteraksi dengan semua. Memang niat kau nak mempergunakan orang. Kau tak perlu ambil perhatian kami lagi, urusan kita selesai ya. Oh one more thing, kau dekat dgn kawan aku takpa lagi. Tapi kali ni kau dekat dengan orang yang aku paling dekat. Sekali lagi aku nampak, memang aku panggang kau wey, sumpah. Nasib baik aku ni bukan batu api yang panas menggelegak. Kalau tak, masak kau.

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Aku pegang kata kata kau. Kata kata yang kuatkan aku setiap kali aku tak mampu bertahan. Kata kata yang buat aku bangun bila aku rebah. Maafkan aku jika aku tidak mampu memandang wajah kau, itu tanda aku sgt lemah untuk terus hadapi tanpa kau.
Kata kata kau yang bermakna, ini hanya sementara. Aku dan kau berpura pura seperti tiada apa diantara kita. Tiada apa yang indah kita pernah lalui. Tiada apa. Bila matlamat kita sudah capai, kembalilah kita.
Aku simpan tempat untuk kau sayang. Aku tidak benarkan sesiapa mengganti tempat kau. Aku simpan tempat ini hanya untuk kau
- 6.50pm & masih berada disekolah

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Bila aku berlalu tinggalkan kau, aku toleh belakang. Kau tak beralih dari tmpt kau. Aku teruskan tujuan aku, dan toleh ke belakang lagi. Tiga kali aku ulang perkara yang sama. Kau tak kejar-kejar aku juga.
Oh rupanya aku baru sedar, aku lupa yang kau telah tinggalkan aku awal-awal lagi.

Harini aku berterus terang. Sebab aku berpeluang. Kau bagi aku peluang dan betul-betul dengar aku bersuara. Perkara ni sangat kecil. Tp paling besar untuk aku.
'Mimpi aku mlm td realisasikan harapan aku' -hanya sesetengah orang yang faham
U, tq sebab mendengar dan menaikkan semangat i masa u menegur i ptg td. U buat i tersenyum walaupun sekejap.

Sbnrnya kan u, ptg td i tak main softball tp i warm up baling and tangkap bola shja. Ini sbb i nmpk u keluar masuk sekolah dari padang. After that i terus nk cari u dalam sekolah. I main softball pun dah jadi 'tah pape',buat apa lagi i main. So i pun pergi cari u dalam sekolah :)

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U, i rindu u. Ajar i nak jadi kuat mcm u boleh?

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Let the rain wash away all the pain of yesterday.
Baguslah, hari-hari hujan. Aku selamat.

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1.25 pg isnin.

Pejam mata, nampak kau
Pejam mata, nampak kau
Pejam mata, nampak kau
Kau je yang aku nampak. Celaka, fikiran kotor.

Waktu : 1.25 pg, ahad. I mean isnin.
And aku tak boleh tidur lagi walaupun dah hampir 40 minit berbaring. Mungkin aku takut mcm mana pula kau layan aku esok. Aku doa, angin kau baik dan layan aku baik-baik atau lebih bagus, sepertimana aku inginkan.

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oh saya nak bgtahu ni. kadang kadang antara tajuk post and isi post saya tiada kena mengena. contohnya post bawah ni :B

rindusamalu

hari-hari stay sampai pukul 6.30 ptg memang seronok cerita dia. ini semua gara-gara softball tapi saya suka main softball :D saya ni berbeza antara kawan-kawan saya. kalau antara tidur dan bersukan, saya pilih bersukan. hehe. kawan-kawan saya yang lain tu dah sah sah pilih tidur !

oh and, saya telah dipilih pemain softball sekolah kehkeh mestilah seronok. dah belajar skill2, tang tang tak dapat memang kecewa so saya bersyukur dipilih. main takdalah hebat mana tapi nak menang tu teringinlah jugak so kenalah practise sampai hebat ya dak?

semalam hari lahir seorang daripada kekasih kekasih saya. kasi prank sama lu memang kau kau hahaha lawak betul-lah. baran kau ni tahap gajah ! habis semua kau sembur dekat aku tp dont worry aku ni kan penyabar khrkhrkhr

SELAMAT HARI JADI !

okay saya kena basuh baju sukan nak pakai esok, nak cari bahan ulbs ! gila baru teringat and nak buat homework

okay bye

I'ts tough when someone special starts to ignore you,

but it's even tougher to pretend that you don't mind.

im waiting for your text right now and says how much u love me and u leaving me only for a while.
i really need that because im dying.

last time u wrote in sms
yang - 20 march
baby - 11 march
muahh - 11 march
dear - 10 march
smiley with a kiss - 10 march
wangi - 9 march
honey - 9 march
i love you - no result

sorry, i'm not alive

i hate to tell this.i hate to tell u that have a miserable life.
but im happy for you because you can keep going and being busy
while i cant. pathetic

For my holiday, i spent my time playing with momo. Tak sentuh buku lansung and homework pun tak terlintas nk buat. Even harini last day cuti pun mls lg. Ya allah awat mls sgt aku ni.

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Harini hari jadi aku? Esok atau lusa atau bulan ni hari jadi aku ke?
Ya Allah tukarkanlah tarikh lahir aku. Aku tahu ada orang tu sedang membuat kejutan untuk aku.
Tidak mengapa aku maafkan jika kau tersalah tarikh. Hari lahir aku 13 hari bulan dlm bulan januari. Orang tu pun tidak memberi hadiah atau mengucapkan apa-apa. Mungkin orang tu ingat hari jadi aku akan datang ni.

Tidak mengapa jika tersilap. Tapi aku mohon jangan lama-lama.
Aku sudah mula rebah dengan setiap kejutan yang kau bagi hari-hari.

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dont leave me

I know u like her. & I hope u will never do love her. Dont u ever let that cross in your mind.

Maaf emosi saya tidak stabil. Sekarang awak tiada untuk membuang fikiran kolot saya.

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bak kata cik najwa 2011 seperti di medan peperangan

Depan orang kau gelak nombor satu besar. Suka sangat ya. Macam takda masalah je perempuan ni. Tapi bila balik rumah atau bila duduk sorang-sorang hati mulalah terkilan sebab otak automatic fikir perkara yang sangat tak menyeronokkan. Fikirkan apa kau tahu? Bukan fikir kena cerai talak tiga tapi fikir kenapa hidup aku ni sepi semacam. Nak kata kena tinggal teman lelaki, mmg dah lama dsingle cuma tak available je. Ah malaslah nak sebut lagi pasal ni. Bikin dahi kerut saja. Aku cuma harapkan aku kuat tanpa kau.

Bukan aku nak lupa kau terus, cuma nak hilangkan stress aku ni. Senang ilmu masuk. Takdalah aku termenung macam monyet rindukan bulan. Entah betul ke tidak peribahasa aku tu.
Aku tidak pernah fikirkan kau yang buruk-buruk. Yelah walaupun persoalan aku tidak pernah kau jawab. Tp aku tahu dan ingat satu perkara, aku juga percaya perkara ini. Perkara ini selalu kau bagitahu aku dulu. So hasil perkenalan kita yang panjang, kau dapat kepercayaan aku (walaupun kau sendiri ragu2). Aku berpegang kepada apa yang aku percaya bagi menguatkan lagi diri aku untuk terus berjuang bak kata najwa, 2011 bagai di medan perang. Okay terima kasih blog kerana memberi aku kesempatan.

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kuih talam dua muka

I am so sad. I just need an ice cream. I dont care cheap or expensive ice cream.
But it would be better if i have ice- cream + you. I love my gays and ali aqil

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seronok tengok kebahagian orang lain. dah tu, tolong orang lain kejar kebahagiaan pulak tu. sibuk betul saya ni :b tapi kita ni apa cerita ya?
seronok betul layan bestie saya tp tak seronok bila dengan orang istimewa saya. kenapa tak seronok? bukannya berpisah like 'its over' tapi tak seronoklah bila msg pun tak tahu nak kata apa, saya ni pulak cepat sangat touching. saya rasa orang istimewa tu pun banyak touching juga.

kadang-kadang, saya pun tak tahu kenapa kita bertindak macam ni. apa masalahnya? mungkin ada yang tidak puas hati dalam diri masing-masing. kami ni dalam proses nak buat perubahan. jadi, konflik tu berganda ganda pulak. mula-mula memang setuju tapi bila get in through the plan, rasa susah yang amat. Ya Allah, bantulah aku. aku berkorban ke arah Mu.

you, i nak cakap dengan u. tapi masa tak mengizikan. lansung tiada kelapangan untuk kita berdua cakap dari hati ke hati. tolong bagitahu i apa yang u nak. tapi i cuma nak dengar apa yang baik untuk kita. i taknak dengar yang mengarut mengarut tu. u faham kan apa maksud i. walaupun i gelak ketawa dengan bestie i, i tak lupakan u. i selalu terfikir, apa yang u sedang buat ya?, ada u fikirkan i harini?
oh man, hanya tuhan yang tahu betapa i rindu u sekarang ni =(

Spm. Tahun ni aku lansung tak berani kata 'lambat lagi'. Memang tak berani lah.
Banyak perkara yang aku tak buat lagi. Intensive class for form 4 tak start lg ni. Aku kecewa dgn diri aku sbb lambat uruskan hal2 penting. Takut waktu cemburu dgn kita kan?
Okay otak aku dah jem. Dah tak blh buat hw. Tahun spm memang tahun stress.
I want to go to bed right now. Saya mengantuk sgt. I need to relez mu stress.

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SELAMAT HARI JADI SARAH ALIAH

Terima kasih semua meng-indahkan hari istimewa saya iaitu secara officialy saya 17teen! Hehe dah rasa mcm betul betul besar lahh :D

Terima kasih ya kawan istimewa saya kerana membuat saya beremosi sebelum dah selepas haha. Beng najwa tima mira alia ali naim topek cotek yang saya sure ada sekali semasa menyanyi happy birthday di kantin dan yang lain-lain yang saya tak perasan hehe sorry tak sempat tgk muka sebab saya maluuC:

Terima kasih juga yang menghantar ucapan melalui sms dan fb.

I love you you you you you and you you :')

Yeyy vroom vroom. Saya nak bawa kereta !

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I feel sad because i started to think about what my parents says. Hmm Lunaaaaa :'(

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dimana matahari bersantai?

Sejuk gila cuaca tahu tak! Tengok kawan2 beli air mineral sejuk then air meleleh leleh dkt luar botol pun dah meremang bulu. Dah dua hari selsema ni. Nampaknya antibody saya lemah kalau cuaca berubah rubah secara mendadak ni. Dalam kelas siap duduk bawah kipas mamang tak menggigil pulak kan. Next time pergi sekolah bawak selimut terus!

Makan pun tak seronoklah. Tak boleh kunyah lama2 nnt lemas pulak sbb hidung dah sumbat so kena nafas di mulut sajalah.

Saya ni rajin makan ubat so jangan risaulah. Mesti saya cepat sembuh:)

Saya bukan merungut dan tidak bersyukur. Ini kan bencana alam. Bila panas, mahu hujan ataupun redup. Bila cuaca dah sejuk mcm di utara sana, minta-minta untuk matahari. Tu ungrateful namanya. Karang datang puting beliung or tsunami baru susah. Kita ni takdalah teruk mana. Alah, kita kan kuat. Jangan malas-malas. Jangan biarkan keadaan ini mengahalang kita dari membuat sesuatu. :D

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nilah akibatnya roomate ramai sangat.

Luna dah berhari-hari sakit. Igt sesema biasa je sbb cuaca. Haritu la luna tak balik mlm then hujan pulak. Tak tahu dia tidur mana. Balik-balik je hidung mcm kena tumbuk, merahh and berair. Mata pun berair. Mmg teruk jugak lah. Igt tak lama okaylah tu. Tiba2 ptg td bersin berdarah pulak. Terus along ajak bawak pergi dr vet. Luna kena stay 3hari sbb temperaturenya tinggi. Demam teruk jugaklah. Momo pun kena injection td sbb jangkit. Tp tak teruk lg. Kata dr, momo kuat :) so momo tak perlu stay sana.

Saya pulak jangkit dgn dua2 kucing ni. Tp selesema je lah. Now rasa nk demam pulak. Kena mkn panadol cepat-cepat ni nnt tak dpt pergi sekolah.

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