FOR YOU

I’m sorry because I can’t live without you

I’m sorry for the tears you shed
I’m sorry for the damage I made
I’m sorry I’ve made you sick

I’m sorry and sorry again
I’m sorry that I’ve failed
But believe me that I love you
Should I say sorry for that too?

heart seventeen

but still, gaduh takkan pernah terlepas dlm sejarah hidup kami. dlm seminggu mesti gaduh atleast dua hari.

ali, i tau u dah maafkan i. tp i still tak dpt rasa keikhlasan maaf u tu. i sedar i salah. i menyesal gila tak senyum kat u awal2. i tak sangka u marah gila2. bila i pergi kat u time balik, u for the first time ckp 'apesal?' dgn nada yg betul2 marah and tgn u hampir2 tolak i. u terus pergi dr i. i harap i kuat time tu. tp tak, i pergi jauh2 sbb i menangis. i think ada budak nmpk u buat mcm tu kat i sbb tmpt tu mmg ramai budak sekolah. agak memalukan. i memang harap gila u datang pujuk i balik. tp u tak.. :'(

i duk sorg2 smpai pukul 3setengah. sbb haris habis kelas pukul 3. balik, i paksa diri i call u.

atfirst, u tak angkat. then i msg u. after that baru u angkat. im sorry i serious tak tau nak ckp apa. i tau sekadar meminta maaf tak cukup utk u. but thts all i have. i am really really sorry dgn apa yg i buat. i hope we have a better day tmrw. great, 'i love you' yg keluar dr mulut i tak terbalas.

okay i nak off. lapar dr siang tak makan..

heart sixteen

that night, kiteorg berbaik semula :)

belive me, its hard. really really complicated.

we hade a long night talk. i mean heart to heart. up to 3 hours ! wow :D

i think this i the hardest one sbb ali tak habis habis dgn prinsipnya, dia memikirkan nak jd kawan sahaja dgn i. he thought this is the best for me. i know u kesian kat i. u fikir, just being a friend with u akn buat i happy sampai mati la? no sayang. this is a wrong fact.

i bahagia kalau u jd teman hidup i. tak kira susah atau senang. i pun tau i byk salah and byk kali buat u sakit hati until u tak larat hadapi semua ni. give me a chance, please ?

if u nak i fikir tentang kepedihan yg melanda kat u, i'll let u go JUST FOR YOU. i takkan fikir psl i lansung. remember that. and as u wish, i takkan pernah fikir u tak sayang i. InsyaAllah. semua ni terpulang kepada layanan u terhadap i. ehh, this is doesnt mean i dah terima okay. i cakap je. i tak tau i boleh buat ke tak nanti. im going crazy maybe?

that night, even i dah ckp apa yang terkandung dalam hati i, suddenly dia tanya dgn selambanya, 'jom breakup sarah?'. i senyap for a few minutes, tak percaya apa yg i ckp tak hanya sekadar perkataan dan ayat. lansung tidak membuatkan ali ubah fikiran. but then i cakap ape pun i tak igt, tapi dia terharu laaa :) i agak bangga sebenarnya sbb dpt buat ali terharu and percaya we'll have this relationship dalam tempah masa yg sangat panjang.

i tak berapa igt sgt the exact words. but something like i ni still sayang ali even though ali dah buat mcm2 kat i. and dia kata i baik gilaa. he asked me why. well OF COURSE la.. i sayang u kot. for your information, i tak pernah oh sayang org smpai mcm ni. i tak pernah putus asa dgn u. like i said, being with u is a wonderful think in my world. its true. i tak reka2 okay.

hah i penat senyum mlm tu. hehe. better night ha?

byk lagi la kteorg ckp, but i dah tak igt sangat. maklumlah, i ni kan cepat lupa. hah terukkan i ni. btw, it happened last saturday night. of course lah i lupa.. lgpun i busy. tak da masa nak online.

but ape yg penting, masalah ni dah selesai :)

heart fifteen

msg u at 17.17p.m.

hmm takpelah, mayb i dah tau jawapan u.. i know kita tak tahan lama. ini semua tanggapan i. nnt awak ckp dkt saya tau. its hard for me to loose u. thanks selama ni jd orang yg baik utk i. i always appreciate u.. and i always sayangkan u.. tp disebabkan i kita tak lama. thanks indahkan dunia i. sungguh berseri dunia i time dgn u. banyak kenangan yg kita alami. susah senang kita bersama. tp ni takdir kita. my whole life takkan sempurna tanpa awak. but i terpaksa terima kenyataan. i minta maaf selama ini bohong awak. tp hati i takpernah tipu u, hati i sentiasa ikhlas utk awak. ergh, lama dah i tak menangis. akhirnya meleleh mata i harini. i regret everything i said to u, but no way to take it all back. u pun tanak ckp dgn i dah. i cuba sedaya upaya tak pindah teknik. even kita jd kawan je, i promise dkt awaki nak jaga u. so k lah sarahaliah, mayb kita jumpa di chapter yg baru. haraplah.. kalau tak, its okay. i terima je apa yg u ckp. byee. (crying animation*)

i tertido. i penat teringat ape yg u ckp kt i time kt ym. and i harap semua ni mimpi je lps i bangun. rupanya this is not a dream. this is reality. pukul 8setengah i bangun tu, akeem ketuk bg phone kt i. bila i baca, sumpah i menangis gila2. lega ali mcm menyesal and i know he want me back. i reply ape entah. but for sure, i'll never not let you go. i sayang u :'(

then dia reply,

msg u at, 20.43 p.m.

sayang i mintak maaf. please jgn buat mcm ni lagi. i baru nk text u. i dah give up sbb awk tak reply msg i. i igt u dah tak sayangkan ali lagi.. :'(

hari ini saya mengumumkan hujan air mata yang paling banyak dalam hidup.

tidur, menangis. bangun tidur, menangis lagi tak henti henti. then terbaca msg u smpai 4 msg. saya terharu, saya menangis lagi.

heart fourteen

i just woke up from sleep. its 8 o'clock. last time i tgk jam pukul 4setengah. gosh gila tido mati i ni. dah la pg pun bangun pukul 11. maybe i hate wht have just happened and hoping it was just a dream. unfortunately, its not a dream. its really really happening.

ptg td gaduh dgn ali. dia marah sbb i ckp 'takde sape' when he asked 'sape tegur u kt ym?'.

dia ni mmg sensitif. then things getting worse. dia ckp, 'kita break'. mmg dah biasa mcm ni tp i pun bengang then i ckp, 'if u tak sanggup berubah demi i, fine kita break. sbb u lansung tak takut kehilangan i'. then dia ckp, 'i pgg kata2 u tu'. damn.

dia asyik ckp, maybe ini yg terbaik utk u. kalau u ade jodoh, insyaAllah u akn jumpa laki lain. then i marah la dia. 'kalau nk ckp psl kebaikan i, dont u ever ckp psl break up lagi !' and i was begging, searching for my old ali. dia kata ' i lah ali. ali dulu tu hanya berlakun baik je. nilah ali yg sbnr. hanya nak satu je dr prmpuan and i byk tipu u'. oh, and dia ada ckp ' i slalu rasa regret'. (????) regret of wht? ' regret suka i? regret mengurat i? regret buat i suka u?' then he answered. 'regret of wht i have said to u'. then i ckp, 'regret of saying i sayang you????'

then ali ckp, 'i tanak ckp pape dah'. thts all.

OMG. i just dont get it. dia nk tinggalkan i sbb dia fikir ini demi kebaikan i or dia betul2 dah tak sayang kat i and dia menyesal jdkan i gf dia ???

GOD, HELP ME. PLEASE :'(

dia nak i jwb sama ada i setuju nk break up dgn dia tmrw or this monday.

i tetap dgn jawapan i yang dulu. muktamad.

i sanggup hadapi apa saja. asalkan u tak lpskan i. please. i love you

heart thirteen

i...

sorry, i tak berdaya nak berkata kata skrg ni

i need someone shoulder to cry on.....

heart twelve

okay, dia serious mintak permintaan akhir dia tu.
dia gila mengharap. damn, kenapa u tak faham??
orang akn pandang serong kt kita kalau org tahu. i know org takkan tau but it shows how bad it is and we shouldnt do this.
i kena fikir mcm mana nak buat u faham and buat u terima dgn hati sanubari u.

heart eleven

i cannot belive you are moving from the school :(
and you ask for your long last wish which is HARD to give.
sorry i wont give it because i am not belive u are going to leave me.
sayang, tak ckp dgn u kt skola pun i dah rindu gila babi. apalagi u nak pindah. mcm mana i blh terima fakta ni, honey dew? im so fuckin sad u know. even i dah nmpk dgn mata i sndiri u pindah, i still percaya you'll change your mind and be back on my side.

heart ten: library

oh, at last peg juga library dgn u. yeyyy ;)
sumpah best ! its wonderful yaww
kteorg peg bukan main2 dating2 tau. ade kerja nilam kena buat.
i enjoy being with you honey. hehe
and i was REALLY2 hoping u join us roller blade tmrw.
i know u akan jealous tp i atleast dah try tolong u kan. tp u kena balik kmpg pulak.
sedihnyaa ;(

heart nine: petang yang indah

igt nak tidur ptg ni tp hati tak tenang pulak.
sbb last msg ali bg, dia kata jgn tido lama sgt smpai pukul 6. nnt takut perkara yang tak baik berlaku. an hour later, i text HIM,
me: sayang...
him: ye honey, kenapa ?
me: i tak boleh tidoo
him: kenapa ni sarah?
me: i pikir u tak happy..
*he call me and calm me or something like that. he said he wont do anything. he just wanted to texting with me this whole evening. i think he dont want me let him down. when he call me, everything comes better.

after that i online ym and voice call dgn dia. merepek and laugh and gedik2 semuaa. hehehehe jgn jelous ya :)
oh damn, he have to go to the school nak training org kawat kaki for yellow house at five.
its 5.09p.m. now but he didnt go yet. hard to leave me ha? hehehe i know sayang.
its hard for me to let u go toooooo :D well, he have to go. ika(naib pengerusi rumah kuning) text him to remind about the training. so we end up with bye bye and i love you :))))

im happy to death !
huehuehue,
dah lama juga tak happy macam ni.

i love you babe :)

heart eight

we were planning to go to the library and roller blade this school holiday.

but suddenly, its all disaster :(

igt nak jumpa dah esok kt library sbb nilam punya hal.

tp just now ali text dia maki hamun parents dia sbb apa pun i tak tau. dia tak nak cerita. its okay, i paham. semua plan i dgn dia hancus lupus begitu sahaja. hati i renyuk. memikirkan kerinduan yang melanda tidak lama lagi. haaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. mengeluh*

heart seven

we had a looooong talk this evening. we talk about wht we should.

i cry. he cry. i sorry. he sorry.

regrets with wht have happened.

we make decisions to be happy like before. before the war starts.

we really really hopes we are not going to start the war again. as long as we can.

InsyaAllah...

i know u didn't meant wht u have said before. i am really sorry with my behaviour before. im going mad so fast. i know sarah with this kind of behavior is definitely not me.

dear, I LOVE YOU sayang. i really do ;)

heart six

katanya,

i should know u tak sayangkan i D:
maybe u angry with me.
i thought u paham perasaan i bila marah.
i remembered that u understand about me, unfortunately not.
its okay, i tak marah pun skrg ni. and i takkan minta break up..
coz i dah janji dkt u. bg i, its all over
:(

;O ...........................

i,,, i tgh tunggu dia online ni.

i harap dia online. i need to talk with him.

;(

NASI ARAB

make a nasi arab, mama really2 good at it !
almost every weekend mama buat nasi arab. untung tak untung kteorg kan ? :)
hehehe okay, dah lapar ni. aroma nasi arab menaikkan selera ! heee
bye !

heart five

he's going to acompany my best friend to kl this week.
im not sure wht of feeling i should have. if im mad, i am totally a jerk. she is my friend. i mean good friend. okay, he said, 'i maybe teman 'hername' ke kl'. this is wht i think, bukannya penting sgt pun smpai terdesak nak org teman ke kl. dah takde org lain ke?
in a mean time, i should have a negative feeling on it. bcs, if he at my place, he would going mad for sure ! even im out with his best best boy-friend which is my best best-boyfriend too. he WILL going crazy .
so, if i cool with this case, i am such an angel

i am not mad

heart four

lantak you lah nak block facebook i lagi !
if u block i sbb perkara kecik je, i dah penat nk layan u. go ahead la

u block i sbb u bengang tunggu i lama sgt i tukr baju.
which is kurang dr 10minit !

hahhh im sorry

heart three

Sometimes, terlintas di fikiran i...
bahawa,
kita tak sesuai bersama.

Hubungan ni buat kita berdua tertekan.

heart two: seventeen drafts

time: 10.16 - 11.40 p.m.
date: 9 March

draft 1: i nampk u dgn bob time blk. awak balik dgn dia eh? harap u pandai jaga diri. i risau.

draft 2: u tinggalkan i time balik. atleast bagi tahu i kalau nak cepat pun (usually kteorg blk sama sama)

draft 3: i tak tau apa masalah kita sekarg ni. i tak paham kenapa u layan i macam ni.

draft 4: i tak dpt belajar ohh. i buat add math pun semua salah. fikiran i serabut..

draft 5: i harap setakat tulis tp tak sent kat u ttg apa yg mengganggu fikiran i dpt release tension i.

draft 6: i ade ramai kawan, u are the only one yg boleh fixed everything. u yang boleh buat i in the mood balik. tp,,,, i feel NO YOU.

draft 7: i perlukan kucing i sekarang ni. kucing pendengar paling setia bg i. kucing dpt teman i time u takde. tp,, i mana ada kucing :(

draft 8: lps balik sekolah td i singgah dr, pet shop seksyen 8. i rindukan kucing sebagai teman i. i nak cepat2 ada kucing. i akn kumpul duit nak beli kucing persian.

draft 9: i nak je text u kata, I MISS YOU sayang ;(
i serious. (walaupun u sakitkan hati i, i still boleh ungkapkan i rindu u)

draft 10: i tak dapat belajar LANSUNG. i kena try tido skrg ni and try ketepikan semua ni sementara minggu exam ni.

draft 11: i nak je text u kata i mintak maaf. tp, i rasa kalau i buat mcm tu, terbukti i ni lemah. u yang sepatutnya mintak maaf kat i. kalau betul i yg salah, smalam i dah mintak maaf. tak cukup?

draft 12: apa yang buat fikiran i serabut skrg ni mostly bukan sbb u buat salah kat i or u sakitkan hati i. i actually risau bila u lepak dgn bob. i percaya u, sbb u dah promise takkan buat lagi. tp till now, i tetap risau.

draft 13: tak penting*

draft 14: tak penting*

draft 15: tak penting*

draft 16: i tak suka kalau u tak senyum or buat tak tau bila nmpk i. u buat i rasa kita tak payah cakap lagi dah !

draft 17: tak penting*


i sakit hati dgn u. tp i sayang u sbb tu i tak smpai hati nak marah u gila gila. i tau u selalu naik angin dgn i patu lpskan semuanya dkt i. u bebankan i. i sedar.

hm, i know u tahu i sayang u sampai i takkan pernah tinggalkan u walaupun u buat banyak kesalahan. hampir setiap minggu kiteorg gaduh. mcm desperate sgt kan i? kawan i kata i psyco. i terasa jugak. tp mereka benar. but u will never know what would happens if u cross the line. fullstop

Exam habissss :)

march test was not-so-hard. so my result is about, not-so-good for sure. HAHA
i ni bukannya pandai.subject apa je yang i blh score? macam takde je. =.='
oh, pasal exam march ni, baru habis harini ! weeeee happy :D
monday, pysics and modern math. errr pysic mmg macam palat. m.math susah gak ohhh.
tuesday, chem and bio. i am really setisfied with bio sbb i dah study smpai yg termampu. chemist tak tau nak comment.
wednesday, bm, add math and sejarah. add math okay la sbb i rasa modern math lagi susah kali ni. and sejarah, ha tak payah cerita la.
thursday, agama and bi. agama boleh tahan and bi pun boleh tahan :)hehe i smile, atlast. :D

exam habis, apalagi, lepak laaaaa. hehe. dengan ali, najwa, tima, beng, naim, mirul and bob. :)

Bestfriends

najwa ashiqen abd rahman, nur atiqah aziz, siti fatimah wahid, nur fareena zuki, mira syakina syadli arshad ali & nur alia zahira.
insan insan inilah yang ditakdirkan manjadi kawan baik saya. mereka selalu nasihat i. selalu berkongsi keperitan i. mereka selalu back up i. mereka marah kepada org yang buat saya sedih. flowers, thank you for everything. remember, i love you always <3

Dinding

this blog is going to stand by writing about this guy calls, B-O-Y-F-R-I-E-N-D.
I heart him. i love him smpaikan i tak percaya kalau dia nak tinggalkan i. Memang tak percaya.
Honestly, i tak tau kenapa i suka dia sangat smpai i sanggup buat apa saja. i sanggup spent time dgn dia drpd bestie. I'm sorry friends, i tau korang mesti faham situasi i.
i banyak masalah dia. BANYAK. but at last, we made it. we already fixed it. i harap takde masalah yg mendatang lagi which is memberi tekanan jiwa kpd i. but dont worry, i okay. u beri i pressure pun tak bermakna i fed up. i just nak u sedar how hard for me to leave you. kalau orang lain, subuh subuh lagi dah tinggalka u.seriously.
i think u orang paling jujur and berterus terang i pernah jumpa. i like it. tak kira la sama ada its hurt or not. i tau kita kecil lagi tp tak bermakna kita tidak berhak atas cinta sejati.

hello blogger ;D

hello there. i baru sign up blog ni this day. and so many things i nak cerita

update later aite? bye